Manning Up Deidara
by elric0sis
Summary: The ukes and semes of Akatsuki all agree: Deidara was just to sugary and girly. So what do they do? Mentally torture him of course! YAOI IS INCLUDED!


AU: Ok! So I am sorry if I offend any Deidara fans, but when I think of Deidara as an uke, I think of him as a sissy uke.  
mermaidluver123: WTFJ?!?! YOU'RE DEAD WEASEL!!!!!! (What The (BEEPING) Jashin)  
*SQUEAK!* T-That's why I wrote this story to man him up! Don't kill me!  
DISCLAIMER!: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
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Deidara walked down a hallway in the base into the living room where almost everyone was. Itachi, currently in Kisame's lap, Hidan, making out with Kakuzu on the recliner, Tobi, giggling while he worked on a puzzle with Zetsu, and of course Sasori, looking boredly at the others. Deidara squealed, instantly getting everyone attention, and took a flying leap into his danna's lap. "Hi Sasori-no-Danna-kun! I missed you, un~!" Deidara said and planted a small kiss on Sasori's cheek, earning a couple looks of disgust from the other occupants. It wasn't like they weren't used to seeing the blonde act like that, but the overly-sweetness got really old really quick. While Deidara cooed and whined over Sasori, th others quietly stepped out of the room into the kitchen.

"Man! How much longer do we have to deal with blondie acting like a head-over-heels idiot?!" Kakuzu said, nibbling on Hidan's ear. "Ya, that (BEEPING) blonde is getting to annoying, and Sasori seems like he's getting tired of it to." Zetsu said, holding Tobi back from eating a random fly. "You know......we could always make Deidara more normal then a complete idiot uke....." Itachi said. "You mean (BEEPING) manning up the (BEEPING) blonde? That's not a bad idea!" Hidan said. "If we could traumatize Deidara to a point where he couldn't even act sugary sweet like he is now, not only would it be fun as hell, but we don't have to listen to him say, 'Sasori no danna, un! I'm your uke so you have to get me something sweet, un!' anymore....."Kisame stated. "Hey, I have an idea......" Itachi said with an evil smirk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(later)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deidara was finishing up brushing his hair in the bathroom, brushing out the long strands, when he heard something. A small pebble landed in front of the bathroom, making the blonde peek his head out. As soon as he did someone struck him over the head with an iron skillet. Deidara's head was suddenly surrounded by circling Tobis as he passed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(at the same time)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Hidan and Zetsu stood outside the bathroom door, watching the blonde brush his hair. The tide up Tobi and just left Sasori, Pein and Konan to sleep, they didn't want their operation to have any interruptions. Itachi tossed a pebble outside the door way while Zetsu got ready. Deidara poked his head out and Zetsu brought down the skillet. When the blonde passed out, Hidan and Itachi just stared at Zetsu. "Really Zetsu, a skillet?" "Ya, why not something (BEEPING) original, we are trying to be criminals not (BEEPING) housewives!" "Jeez**, Well excuse us mr.'s Ukes of the month.**" The two ukes almost gorged the plant man's eyes out, and they probably would have succeeded if not for their semes holding them back. Kisame picked up Deidara and threw him over his shoulder, following the others to their destination.

**(With Deidara)**

Deidara woke up tide to a chair in the middle of a brightly lit room. He squinted and tried to look around, but all he saw was a white room. Suddenly, a rough looking pair of waterfall nin walked in, one with pink eyes and one with turquoise eyes. "What is your name, scum?" the one with pink eyes asked in a gruff voice. Deidara was shaking and said, "D-Deidara." The two smirked and the one with turquoise eyes walked forward, "And are you in the organization 'akatsuki'?" "H-Hai." Deidara replied. "Good, now, are you going to be a good boy and tell us their plans for the tailed beasts, or do we have to force it out of ya?" pink eyes replied. Deidara finally got a pair and straightened his back yelling, "I will never tell, un! You'll have to kill me, un!" The two looked taken aback, but composed themselves quickly, "Very well..." they both walked out of the room, leaving behind a scared bomber.

**(With the others)**

"Ha! D-Did you see his face?! HAHAHAHAHA!" Hidan and Zetsu laughed. Itachi released the Genjutsu on them and they returned back to their normal attire. "Well, he is at least manlier than we first thought, we'll just have to break him down, won't we, Itachi-koi?" Kisame said, nuzzling his nose into Itachi's neck. Itachi sighed contently and smirked, returning the Genjutsu.

**(With Deidara)**

The two waterfall nins walked back into the room, smirking at the blonde. "Well, you will resist? Are you sure now?" Deidara shook off his fear and stared the in the eye. "Try me, un." The two smirked and one stepped out, loading a gun. "Well, you aren't our only prisoner, I think that Sharingan user might get some information for us...." Deidara's eye widened. "Y-You got Itachi too, un?!?!?!" The man smirked and put a single finger up to his lips, signaling Deidara to listen. Itachi voice rang out, "You'll never get anything out of us, you ba-" "BANG!!!!!!!!!" A dead silence followed. Deidara's mouth was wide open his eye widened to it's fullest with shock and terror. The other man walked back into the tent, smirking and wiping a little blood off of his gun.

"Aww, now look what you have done! You let your poor, innocent friend be shot by the likes of me. Too bad." The man smirked, watching as tears started to fall down Deidara's face faster than a water fall. _'I-I didn't like him, I hated him at one point, But I never wanted to kill him!!!!!!'_ Deidara's mind screamed. The blonde finally let the dam loose and cried his eyes out, "Itachi!!!!!!!!!! NO, un!!!!!!!!!!!! I-I'm s-soooooo s-sor-ry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed mostly out of sadness and frustration. The two men quickly left the room, leaving him to cry over his dead friend.

**(With the others)**

Everyone was laughing at the blonde's actions, even the stoic Uchiha. "H-Heh, Itachi!!!!! No, un!!!!!!" HAHAHAHA!!!!!" Hidan laughed. Really, Itachi just yelled that stuff and even shot the gun into the air himself, to add more effects. Itachi was the first to calm down, preparing something for the next interrogation. Kisame calmed down with the rest and headed over to see what his uke was doing. "I'm making something......." Itahci said, showing Kisame. The shark smirked, if the bomber was upset now, he was going to be a mess when they were through with him.

**(With Deidara)**

It had been about two hours since Itachi was shot and Deidara was still a mess. His eyeliner was smeared and ran a little down his face and he was in hysterics. Suddenly, the two men burst in again, carrying a tied up, crying Kisame. "Kisame, un! I-" "Y-You monster!!!!!!!" Kisame cried, "Y-You let them kill my Angel!!!!!!!!! I'll never forgive you, you little bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*hic* *hic*" Kisame started breaking down sobbing his eyes out again, bringing on another round of tears from Deidara. "K-Kisame, un!!!!!!!! I-I'm ssoo sorry, un!!!!!" "Sorry isn't going to bring Itachi back!" Kisame yelled, jumping up to try and strangle the blonde.

The men pushed him back down and brought out his gun again while the other held him down. "What's it going to be, blondie? Tell us!" "No, un!!!! I-I can't!!!!!" Deidara sobbed. The man smirked and fired his gun, making a perfectly round hole in the middle of Kisame's forehead, instantly killing the shark. The other man let o and cut the ropes, the body dropping limply to the floor. Deidara started up in hysterics again, crying about him being a bad friend and a failure as a shinobi. The two men left him to think again and dragged off the body.

**(With the others)**

Hidan and Zetsu pulled out the body, Kisame and Itachi standing in the back round watching the show. "Aww, you would really go on a rapid rampage just for me?" Itahci asked, smirking as Kisame held him in his arms. "Of course, Angel. Just for you." Kisame said and kissed him. Kakuzu coughed and the two broke up, Itachi releasing his jutsu. The dead Kisame suddenly decomposed into hundreds of crows, flying off. "Now onto stage three." Kakuzu said as Hidan and Zetsu headed back into the room.

**(With Deidara)**

The blonde was still crying his eyes out over his two lost friends. The men reentered and Deidara stared at them coldly, glaring. "So blondie, have you had it yet?" "Yes, un." Deidara said, sighing. The two were surprised at his response but just figured that he was broken and waited for an answer. "If you want all of the information it's in a small scroll in my back pocket, I had it with me on my last mission and forgot to put it away, un." Deidara said, watching the two with a defeated look. The two shrugged and went to get the scroll when Deidara sprung it on them. "KATSU!" A secret bomb exploded in front of the two knocking them backwards into the walls. _'If I'm a POW, then like hell am I gonna give up that easily!'_Deidara thought, breaking through his ropes.

He was about to beat the crap out of the two nins when the rest of his teammates rushed in, stopping him in his tracks. A puff of smoke appeared as the two men turned into Hidan and Zetsu. "What the Hell is going on, un?!?!?!" Deidara screamed, getting released from the hold his teammates had on him. "Itachi Kisame, you two are suppose to be dead, un?!?!?!?!?!?!!" Deidara screamed, pointing his finger at the two. They sighed and Hidan began laughing. "Deidara, we set this up to pretty much make you manlier." Kakuzu said, trying to get his uke to stop choking on air.

Deidara stared at his 'teammates', the two that he had cried his eyes out for, and his supposed 'torturers', then looked very dark. "GRRRR.....I'LL KILL YOU GUYS, UN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The bomber yelled and brought out his whole artillary of bombs. Everyone 'meeped', the semes picking up their ukes, and ran for their lives.

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AU: Yay! Hope you enjoyed! By the way: A POW, for those who don't know, is a 'Prisoner Of War'.


End file.
